


Thank You for Her

by Imagines_Dreams



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Death, but Connor is ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 23:39:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagines_Dreams/pseuds/Imagines_Dreams
Summary: The day after the funeral, you and your boyfriend decide to visit her grave.





	Thank You for Her

You took a deep breath as the car came to a slow stop. The day before, you put someone you loved in the ground, and it still haunted you. She was gone. Visiting her wasn’t talking on the phone or going to her house anymore. It was visiting her grave. The flowers in your grips bent against your fingers.

A hand covered your fists.

You lifted your head to meet Connor’s eyes.

Unlike you, Connor’s eyes weren’t filled with tears, but they were red from crying that morning. He hadn’t known her for long, but he knew her long enough to realize how special of a person he was

“This sucks,” you stated plainly.

Your boyfriend nodded. “I know.” He leaned over to kiss your head. He sighed against your hair. “We can go back, if you want.”

You shook your head. “We both know I have to do this.”

With that, Connor nodded. He got out of the car and held out a hand for you.

You smiled, took his hand, and stepped out of the car. From where Connor parked, you two didn’t have to walk far to get to her grave.

The grass was still lumpy, and there were still many flowers from before There was even a fresh bouquet. Someone else must’ve gotten there before you. You took a deep breath as tears began to burn against your vision You took a deep breath and set down the flowers. “Hi,” you whispered. “I’m back.” You stood back up and leaned against Connor.

Your boyfriend wrapped one arm around you and pulled you to his side. “Good to see you again,” he whispered. He blinked back his tears. “I hope you approve that I’m still dating her. She’s amazing, and I can’t help being near her.”

You laughed and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry. He’s taking good care of me. You already saw yesterday when…” You held your breath as the memories dropped on you like a boulder. You remember closing the casket. You remember falling to wall and feeling so heavy and so empty at the same time, like some had carved and gutted you and filled you with tar. You remember crying as the casket was lowered into the ground. You remember seeing others break down and feeling their pain along with yours.

You held a hand up to your mouth and tried to stifle your sobs. You let Connor support you as he shed a few tear of his own. “I miss you,” you whimpered. You closed your eyes and tried to breathe through your congested nose. When that failed, you opened your mouth to inhale and say, “I miss you so much.” You smiled. “Thank you, though. For everything.”

Connor wrapped both arms around you in a feeble and useless attempt to prevent pain from touching you. It broke him to know that no matter how tightly he held you or how much he kissed your head, he couldn’t take away the pain.

He felt so fucking useless. How was he supposed to help you with something he couldn’t fix? Connor had doubted himself before, several times, but when she died, he knew he couldn’t protect you. He knew it the moment the emotion was sucked out of your eyes and the color drained from your cheeks.

Your boyfriend’s chest burned with the insecurities he carried. He loosened his grip on you and hoped that someone else you knew was on the way to the grave. Maybe that someone could help you more than he could.

When Connor’s presence faded, you gasped and pulled him closer. You needed him to hold and to cry with. So you just nuzzled your head into his chest and trusted that he wouldn’t mind the stains later.

Stains and the dam shirt were the last things Connor was thinking about when you pulled him back. He hugged you tighter and closed his eyes. “Thank you,” he mouthed in a moment of weakness and strength. “For her.” He kissed your head again and rubbed your back as he tried to help you bear the pain.

You just let the tears flow as memories kept on flashing. Her smile. Her voice. Her wit. You had to keep fighting. You knew that. For Connor For her. For yourself. You pressed your cheek against Connor’s chest and smiled at the grave. “I love you.” You sniffed. “I will make you proud.”

So, in silence, the two of you stood there, holding each other and whispering words into the wind, and even though it did indeed hurt, you two knew that with each other, the pain would be bearable. After all, it’s what she would’ve wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes, a writer just writes something they themselves want to read. This was the case for this one, and whenever I miss her, I always come back here. I hope it can bring comfort to someone else out there, too.
> 
> If you like this imagine, please comment and tell me what you think. Thank you so much!


End file.
